A poem from my journal…a couple years after moving back.
RE-ENTRY
The place where sorrow and hope collide
where a multiplicity of feelings well up inside
The space where fog invades our lives
and our days are full of internal strife
The era where all the routines are gone
new is the mantra for all that is done
confusion, frustration, and culture unknown
are the underlying theme of all that is done.
Who am I really in this new place?
I can’t even remember how to spell my own name
Shopping mall panic, grocery store fear
All basic routines gone out the window here
Church-oh the place I thought I’d feel safe
Has challenged my soul in a very deep place
I feel so alone – unsafe everywhere
Who can I trust with this deep despair
Jesus they tell me you understand
Doubting completely I shun your outstretched hand
My anger is great. My humility small
yet you champion my battle and catch me when I fall
Slowly and quietly into the fog
you breath your sweet whisper and rivet my heart
here in my lonely, confusion and fear
you shout into the darkness, my daughter I’m here!
Healer, oh, healer – I now will proclaim.
The girl who was broken has come alive again.
Faithful you are, and holy and good.
Thankful I am for this journey we took.
Really lovely poem, Ruthie. Resonates deeply with me. “Healer, oh, healer – I now will proclaim. The girl who was broken has come alive again.” I only wish that line were true for me. Still very broken, hopeless, and defeated after a year and 9 months of being back stateside. Waiting for that breakthrough that will allow me to live again. Thanks so much for this blog. I sure wish I’d found it sooner.
It is hard Shay. Hang in there. Sometimes it can take a lot longer then we’d like to to for us to feel like we’ve made it too that breakthrough. For me it took five years in a lot of areas of my life to feel like I was at that point….and there are still times 8 years in where I feel like I’m still in re-entry. So, hang in there!
You really saved my skin with this inniamrtoof. Thanks!
Omg…Found this site on a post from a friend…..was so hard to read what I was going thru also. Knowing that I am not alone helps a bit. Wish I could have known some of this sooner, it might have given me hope in what I thought was a hopeless situation….thank you for sharing