How long does reverse culture shock last? I get asked that question a lot. When will I feel “normal” again? When will I know what I’m supposed to do next? When will my life feel like it has purpose again, and I’m not just surviving?
Time is one of the hardest components of the reentry season. Re-entry is a time when we just want to move forward. Everything inside us is longing…
…longing for the sense of adventure we miss.
…longing for the affirmation that comes from having a job that involves doing good.
…longing for the travel.
…longing for a career.
…longing for change.
…longing for purpose in life.
…longing for friendship
…longing for a sense that we know where we are headed.
All of this longing is often met with a sense of feeling trapped with no way back to our old life and a long road ahead to the new one.
Sometimes the re-entry stress is compounded by not knowing what’s next. Maybe you are transitioning careers. Maybe you are back unexpectedly and don’t know what the next season holds for you.
Time is your greatest enemy and your best friend in re-entry. Yes, I want to purpose that time really is a gift. I want to give you permission today to TAKE TIME. Whatever that looks like for you in this re-entry season, taking time is one of the best {and hardest} gifts you can give to yourself.
It is OK to take time. Time for healing. Time for celebrating. Time for sorting out what just happened. Time for remembering the great moments. Time for rebuilding your identity. Time for readjusting to a sense of what is normal in this new culture. Time for being cared for instead of caring for others. Time for being instead of doing. Time for getting your emotional stability back. Time to debrief what you’ve experienced on the field. Time for whatever it is you are longing for…
Taking time looks different for everyone. For some taking time is a career decision. For others it’s a conscious choice to take life a little slower. Or it’s a commitment to invest in the things that they need in the midst of their busy lives. There is no cookie cutter formula…but our goal must be to give ourselves the time and space we need.
Taking time does not mean you will be stuck in this place forever.
Taking time does not mean you will always feel this way.
Taking time does not make you lazy.
Taking time does not mean you have lost your sense of direction.
Taking time does not mean you didn’t have a great experience overseas.
Taking time does not mean you are no longer investing in making the world a better place.
Taking time does not mean you are missing out on life.
Taking time does not mean you will never have a career.
I know taking time is not easy. I remember so many days lamenting the middle, and searching for ways out of this season of taking time. It often brings up emotions that are hard. It often causes others to ask questions that are complicated to answer.
I’ve discovered even when we have amazing experiences overseas we often move back to our home countries with confused emotions and experiences we’re trying to make sense of. Taking time allows us to gain perspective and evaluate in a healthy way before we jump into the next thing. Someone reminded me this week that it’s “evaluated experiences not just experiences that make us wiser.” Taking time allows for that evaluation.
Often in the initial stages of re-entry, we must process our emotions before we can have healthy perspective to evaluate our experiences. This is why taking time has value.
It is with time…
…that we can grieve.
…that we can remember.
…that we can forgive.
…that we can reestablish our sense of identity.
…that we can reset our adrenaline and reactions to stress.
…that we can process our anger.
…that we can celebrate our adventures.
…that we can name the traumatic parts.
…that we can heal.
…that we can have our sense of trust restored through new relationship.
Time allows us to get our emotional equilibrium back so that we can move forward from a balanced place.
There is also a danger in not taking time. We can run too quickly into the next thing without evaluating the last. We can repeat patterns from our past experiences that we would rather not. We can take our emotional baggage from the field into the next thing.
Waiting is not fun. Taking time is hard work. Even if you feel like this time of waiting is your worst enemy, it may very well be one of your best gifts. Because it is in taking time that we are able to evaluate our past experiences. And in the evaluating, we are sometimes able to find some redemption. Redemption for the beautiful memories we hold. Redemption for the painful parts of our stories as well.
So…I’m not going to answer the question: How long does reverse culture shock last? {sorry…pretty sure there’s no good answer to that one.} But I do want to validate that taking time is such a valuable thing! How much time? I don’t know. Everyone’s experience is different, but it is probably going to be more then you are comfortable with. But I have a hunch that you may look back on this season of taking time as one of the best seasons you’ve chosen to take in life. In my case, it has certainly been that way.
This is so spot on! We have been back from overseas for almost 3 years after serving for 19 years. We have been in this waiting and processing season. It has been a blessing and also one of the hardest times. Thanks for your encouraging words! I need this confirmation today!
Jana – Hang in there! It’s worth the waiting.
Thank you for this article. I found through a FB acquaintance. I had been going back and forth between my home country and overseas for a while, but this time is different and it has been more difficult. It would be easier for me not to comment here, but I want to thank you for your words of encouragement. This paragraph really spoke to me:
“It is OK to take time. Time for healing. Time for celebrating. Time for sorting out what just happened. Time for remembering the great moments. Time for rebuilding your identity. Time for readjusting to a sense of what is normal in this new culture. Time for being cared for instead of caring for others. Time for being instead of doing. Time for getting your emotional stability back. Time to debrief what you’ve experienced on the field. Time for whatever it is you are longing for…”
I had made the conscious decision to take time; thank you for reminding me that this season of life might be longer than what I had originally expected—and that it is OK despite the feelings of confusion, and lack of purpose and direction I am experiencing.
I’m so glad you are taking time! It takes courage to live in the unknown for a while, but hang in there. I find sometimes those are the seasons looking back that can yield the most. Thanks for sharing here!
Thank you for this! I have also been back from overseas for just over three years after living abroad for 13 years (basically almost all my adult life) and am still in that waiting season. Daily I still long for the overseas experience so much it hurts. I have no idea what’s ahead for me at “home”. Thank you for your encouragement that I can take the time, even if it takes another three years or however long…
Thirza. Thanks for joining us here on the reentry journey. Yes, it is ok to take time. As hard as it feels. Blessings for the journey
Wow,
this is well put. I wish I had found it at the beginning of this furlough, rather than in the final weeks. I will definitely share it with many.
I appreciate how you explained what time does not mean. I find others judging me because I take a while when I’m first home to process. To many it looks like laziness, yet it is important.
I also appreciated how you mentioned the bad parts too. Yes, we have tough emotions like anger, trauma, things to forgive.
Brooke, I hope the rest of your furlough has allowed for time that you needed! Thanks for joining us here.
I’m glad I found your site. We lived abroad for 12 years and moved back to the US about 9 months ago. Thankfully I launched into a new career and found a great job but I’m still struggling. ONE person has taken the time to ask about where we lived and what life was like there. I feel so lost most of the time….like my head is in a fog. I know what we experienced and what we’re missing but to 99.9% of people we know it’s like the 12 years didn’t even exist.
I have been gone for only a week to a poor country and left the place I’v lived in for 13 years and I have been feeling the symptoms of reverse culture shock
do you think I have reverse culture shock or something else ?
I have been frustrated,unhappy,restless,bored,and changing my whole life routine please tell me whats wrong.-anonymous
I find the hardest thing is that when you live abroad, people are understanding and make allowances for that fact that you might get things wrong. They understand when you don’t get things and they are interested in hearing about your own culture. But the same is not true when you come home. People don’t make allowances for you, the aren’t understanding when you get things wrong and really don’t want to hear ANOTHER story about when you lived abroad.
Holy cow, did I need this tonight!
Due to some other events that happened on my re-entry, I don’t think I’ve ever taken the time – the real time – to process and heal like I probably should have. And my re-entry after a three years as an ESL teacher was 12 years ago come July!
I guess I just needed to be reminded that I’m not the only one who deals with this still.
“More time than you’re comfortable with” – No kidding!
Hello, everybody!
What a nice article. I’ve been back home for two months after spending 17 years in the US (unfortunately I can’t come back for a while). And it feels like my life is ruined. I’ve completely lost my identity. I was hopeful and ambitious before. I had a wide social circle of friends. Now I feel that the person I’ve been was lost on the way. I’m so homesick I’m going crazy. And it’s true, everybody expects you to just blend in. It’s like the 17 years didn’t exist for them. And for me it’s the only thing that seems real.
So thank you sharing. I hope that with time I’ll find myself again.
Excellent article, Ruthie!
The most meaningful time of my life (so far) was the 17 years I spent teaching English in universities in Shanghai, China. When I was a student in college, I met people from all over the world at my large university in Arizona, but I always liked the Chinese the best. I have never felt such a sense of belonging as when I moved to China. I developed dozens of the closest friendships I’ve ever had. After my first year, the organization that sent me there said they’d never seen anyone develop as many strong relationships as I did. But they said this as a warning, because they felt certain I would eventually get kicked out of the country. My parents also warned me that a close friend of theirs spent 15 years serving in Bolivia, and he felt completely out of place for the rest of his long life when he moved back to the USA.
I got kicked out of China in January 2020, one week before anyone had heard of COVID-19. What a crazy time to return to the USA! Although I feel alienated in my motherland, I am comforted by the fact that this is normal. After teaching in China for one year, I visited the states for the summer. I had never heard of reverse culture shock at that time. Reading the stories of others who also feel alienated when they return home has convinced me that I’m not insane. Helen Keller learned to appreciate life without sight or sound. Nick Vujicic is constantly overflowing with joy for his blessings though he has no arms or legs. If I live another 50 years, I may continue to feel as though a big part of me is missing. That’s fine. It was worth it. I will cherish those memories, and I will rejoice in the many blessings that remain.